Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Queens. What a DRAG.

This evening after we'd celebrated Brandon's 3? birthday, put a shiny BRIGHT coat of YELLOW   paint on (most) of the front of the house, and worked our way past some serious cake eating puffiness, Mark decided to  youtube some video's.
The video he got stuck on was I put a spell on you.  As performed by the amazing artist Screaming Jay Hawkins.

As conversations sometimes go in this house , this one wound up being about Drag Queens.
Mark was remembering a nice old queen that went by La Jessica.
Now La Jessica would perform a version of this song that was so much fun it wouldn't matter if you were a Nazarene minister, or a Sunday Sinner,  you would have danced your damned ass off!

I know that MOST of you have not had the pleasure of befriending these lovely creatures, these heroes in high heels, these ladies of the leotards..
I also understand that most of you like to make fun of these friendly folks that look like their panties may indeed have an EXTRA cotton lining. Or two.

No need, we do that enough of that ourselves! 

While working at the local gay bar in Champaign during the 80's,    I was lucky to see many great ( and some very puke in your hand worthy) performances.
Of course on some nights at C-St, the bouncer may have been a large man in a wheel chair. Dressed with an empty refrigerator  box painted as a house resting over the top of him. With nothing sticking out but his feet at the bottom, wearing of course the Witches socks from the WIZARD OF OZ. It worked great because he'd (of course) cut out windows ( with curtains) and he could look out the window to card you. Legal age was 18 to get into the club. But, I think a FEW snuck in early!

Drag Queens are Drag Queens.

It didn't matter if it was the one and only Maggie DeVille who was certain that  'she' did the best 
Annie Lennox  impersonation in  the state.  Any state, name a state.
I knew that at the end of the night when the Mag's was doing her last number that the wig was gonna fly. 

And fly it did.  And so did the crowd. Right into a big gay tizzy!!!

It also didn't matter that just after I BURST OUT of the closet ( it wasn't  difficult, the door was thin)  the first person to hit on me and take me to his place was (unknown to me at the time) a Drag Queen.
One of my all time faves then and now. 
Ladies and gentlemen............. The One, The Only, Mona Montclair.
Diva Extraordinaire.
At least that's what you better call her until she gets to know you better.  The first ten years are the hardest!
Mona and I wound up giggling too much to bump uglies.
Something tells me that is why we still have a terrific friendship after 24 years.
Yes, that's right in Drag Math 101 that makes Mona 19.
Off stage, Mona and her partner George are just an average gay couple.
Only they've been together over 20 years.
Well done BITCHES!

I would also like to take a moment to remember a few of the other funny friends I've made. The names may have slipped my mind, but the visions were BURNED PERMANENTLY into my retinas.

The father  and son Drag Queens. 
They were both so sweet  to me while I was working at C-St. And besides, I'd be nice to mule's ass if it'd get me a dollar tip.
Where else could you see a Drag Queen Dad  with a wooden leg being helped up the stairs by his Drag Queen  son. Because Dad........... Mom? ........Dad? Whoever. 
Because the older Drag Queen was too drunk to hop up the stairs.
Sweet Pauline's  Pearls!

Maybe we could talk about the Drag Queen  that was  so sure the crowd was going to hate 'her' when she came on stage and so nervous, that she threw up in her hand. But that didn't stop that little princess.
She flung that goop onto the mirror behind the dance floor and kept on going.
That's the SPIRIT!

Now, go clean your puke off the glass.
Dirty little girl!
And you  wonder why nobody wants to come and kiss your puke smelling face or give you a dollar?

The costumes were really a fantastical,  fun, beautiful, scary, amazing part of every show. 
It was dumbfounding  what  the Late Great
Terri Hammrick could do with a Kentucky Fried Chicken bucket, a hot glue gun, and a few sequins.

Or what the Late Great , One and Only,
Ruby Falls could do with a feather boa. Or where he could put it!
"Ruby" and I shared the same birthday's, 
Valentines Day.
One year Ruby made the whole bar sing Happy Birthday to the two us. Of course it was during a Valentine's Day Drag Show.

I won't soon forget being serenaded by the  largest crowd of welcoming, , non-judging, equal minded, 
free spirited, awe inspiring, love giving, EQUAL people in my life.
 I suppose I should end my stroll down memory Drag lane for now.

Don't think that I've forgotten for one second about you silly lesbians getting all dressed up in men's clothes and pretending to be KENNY ROGERS. Because I haven't.
I should remember to tell you the story about my Aunt Glenda. She wasn't a Drag Queen by any means, but quite possibly she could have been a Good Witch.
She did however have a wooden leg.
Til next time............ get your DIVA on!

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